Nice composition. It has a lot of potential, and the second posting is a great improvement on the first.
I've done a lot of work on black paper, and it really pops when there is very high contrast. The art does not need to look outlined, so don't be afraid to have the shadow side of the figure very faint. Also, keep in mind where the light is coming from, and where shadows will cast. The moon in the upper right gives the impression that the light should be coming from that direction. The various petals and leaves of the flower should be casting shadows on the leaves and petals further from the light source. If you add in those shadows, it will help give the drawing more realism and depth. Eraser doesn't usually work very well, but black pencil can sometimes be used to regain lost darkness.
The day we stop learning about art is the day we stop making art.