Children's Book ready for review by Tristam Rossin

[Jundo]

Hi all,

Thanks for all your previous feedback on this subject...

Ok... I've worked my socks off and i'm ready to send my baby into the wicked world of agents and publishers. This is a biggie! All my eggs are in one basket so to speak and my financial future is at stake.

So I could do with some constructive feedback and a keen eye to check for mistakes. Bare in mind that publishers are the most fickle bunch you could ever meet so the harder the critism the better, I'm sure i'll be getting it from them so it's better to get it now and be able to do something about it!

This is the link to my book pages... http://www.tjrossin.com/monster.html

Thanks for taking a look

Jundo

[xxbreezy]

I think its a very delightful childrens book. Your illustrations are amazing and the colors are bold that would make any child want to read it!! I wish you the best of luck and PLEASE keep us posted on how things are going with the sale of your book. Beautifully done Jundo!!
Linda

[Harmonygirl]

I think the idea of the website to promote is great....

The first thing I noticed was your intro - "I hope I am not wasting your time"

YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!
I would remove that line or change it to "You've come to the right place" or "look no further" something along those lines....

The second you put yourself down you are telling everyone you think your work isn't good enough. If I was a publisher (or whatever) I would think, if he thinks this is a waste, then why look. Be proud.....

IT IS GOOD!!!!! HAVE FAITH

The website is AWESOME, really, you should be proud.

I was told once that you almost have to be arrogant... without being a jerk.... your book is great now just get it out there, refer your website to everyone. In Canada there are publishers "Scholastic" and they love this kind of stuff....

Let us know how it goes...

Shannon

[Erika Takacs]

The first thing I noticed was your intro - "I hope I am not wasting your time"

YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!
I would remove that line or change it to "You've come to the right place" or "look no further" something along those lines....

I will have to agree with Shannon on this, not a good intro. You mention here "my baby", so it must have meant a lot to you, why not talk about that in the first paragraph.

I will show this to my 7 year old today, to see how he reacts to it. He still won't go down to the basement alone, because that's where our monsters live. They seem to be immune to the big red sign on the door that says: "No Monsters Allowed".

Maybe you could add a few interesting or funny quotes from kids and parents on the first page. The reviewer might be interested in that.

Like Shannon says "Scholastic" might be a good fit, they publish many funny, nicely illustrated children's books. Yours falls in this category. Good luck!

[Singular]

You are so talented. Your illustrations are amazing. The story goes well with the art work. I am sure you will have no problems getting some backing for this book. Even if they do not like the story, they can not dismiss your illustrative skills. They could always advise you on the story line.

all the best,
Joe

[Jundo]

Thanks everyone, I agree with the main question posed and i'll be changing the quote tomorrow morning before it goes off to the publishers.

Again, thank you... It goes to show what a strong forum this is, invaluable in advice and some really great people too!

[joleneb]

Thank you for a delightfull read! I loved it! Good luck with the publishers. I am sure they won't let a treasure like this slip through their fingers.

[Erika Takacs]

I have to tell you, the monster got my son' imagination going. This is what he said:

If there was a monster in my bathtub, I would tell him:
"Go home, you don't belong here! It's my bathtub." He would cry: "But this is my home". And I would say: "Go on vacation or something!" (He acted it out )

Of the illustrations he liked the first one, Connor in the messy garden, and the monster chasing mom around the house.

[Jundo]

Thanks again for the responses, cahnges gave been made...
Also, i'm such an idiot! I missed out an entire page in the story! New page is up now.

Thanks

Tris